aguhhhhh

sometimes, worrying makes life sad. makes a person do things that are not correct. makes us feel we're wasting our time. sometimes, we just worry...

worry bout how much time is left to complete our work. worry bout the left over work that is to due soon. worry bout things that....we just cant control. why? because that's the nature of human. its natural to worry bout others too. like how we worry bout our loved ones. tats very normal. 

however, is it worth the worrying? my mum worries bout me, bout my sis, and everything that has connections to us and herself. well, tats wat mothers always do. tats y their hair goes white. that's y they find themselves having so much prob, later...cos, of worrying, it affects their health. are all those worth it? or....was it just because of human nature to worry?

i find myself worrying bout things that i cant control. things tat i know, will never change even if i died over it. its a passion that makes a person loose control right?? tats wat worrying for nothing comes into the pic. 

i tell my mum not to worry so much. its time we can learn and take care of ourselves. its bout time we get our own problems taken care off by ourselves!! its all about time.....

my mum's last prob is on my sister. her academic choice. and then....its it. she should wake up and get into the retirement level. tats when, all the responsibilities are passed on. generation through generation. its part of life. 

a place i wanna go...

there is a place i would like to go. i wanna go there to look out. the sky should be bluer than it is over here. a place i knew a long time ago. a place where...i can find myself. hmm...that's the place in my mind.. it had been there for quite some time. just waiting for the right moment to make the move. 

i hope it is still as beautiful as it was in my memory. hehe...

i know what its like...yulp, i really do. i wont call...i wont msg...i wont talk...i wont. i wont even make any transmission to tell that i am there. over there....i wanna be in peace. nobody should disturb me. i want to be alone there. it might be for awhile...a week or 2, but at least, i have peace in me and a quiet time over there. 

everyone has their own dream. their own place of being themselves. 

just for me...

when i was a little younger, i looked at my cousins and said, its so difficult to go away when u are attached, even if you are goin away for something good! just cos u will miss your other half here, who might not be goin over with u...u do not want to go and make that change in your life for the better.

now....look at me. am i facing the same prob? my bf and i were just talking bout malaysia....my older post. and...we ended up...not very happy. zzz...

well...when i am angry, i think about all the consequences and probabilities that might happen. you can say i think too much and things like that...but, i tell u one thing for sure. i wanna go. and if its not goin to last, then it wont last. 

its up to us, if we wanna make that happen. but...let me tell you one thing, everytime we quarrel, i think of what might be, if we were not together. just like...this wont happen! just like what happen when we disagreed. 

'don reply me, i am trying to slp. nite.' what makes you think that, i will just forget bout this? i know i might, due to my memory and all the other MORE important things in my life that i HAVE to do. thats y,...i am writing this moment of time down in this blog, so that as time pass..i still read back and remember how and why things might not happen between us. 

if this continues, we will just end up begging on streets. it wont be like sesame street u know? so many cute fun puppets talking to u with thousands of ppl looking at you shooting. its not the same. by then...mayb ppl would be looking at us with eyes full of sympathy. 

was ur pening kepala due to me? if it was, just let me know. i will shut myself up and talk only when asked to. then u wont get ur kepala pening prob. might as well find another girl who wont make ur head pain right? i tot it was a perfect and wonderful idea. it should be workable if we try. you don try, you wont know. hehe...

thats life. when u think things are goin on well, it may just be the beginning of a thunder storm. who needs that? YOU. you need the pour of rain to awaken you from what sadness u are goin through now with me and just leave for good. 

bless u

wat!?!?!?!

haiz....i cant believe it. its such a stupid thing to believe. after 11 years of lesson, you still don't get it? how could u ever trust what the gov say till they have done it? i tot everyone should remember, not to trust ppl who break promises till they have done it all and perfect? i don say...i am a perfectionist. i am not! but, all these while, has it not been obvious tat this is a lesson taught? we have been through so much since 1997. since then, hav we ever got better then b4? ppl go down, way down with us, and are already shooting high up, better than b4, and of cos, better than us. how much more can we go further?

malaysia is capable of anything. even making shocking jumps! but, it is also famous for its downpour of sudden plunge like nigeria falls. i think ppl who have been observing stock markets directly or indirectly should know that. its very significant. those who had spent much to invest in malaysia, for that slightest hope for recovery...all lost hope for after 11 years of bullshit. 

how much more can we go further in this recession?  malaysia goin further would mean the end of malaysia. there is nothing left. we don excel in anything, except fairy tales. how are we goin to make it to wawasan 2020?? its just another few more years, and we should be there..but, will we be there? the answer now...is so obvious. NO!!!! 

continue on all the politics...and then we realise one fine day, no one will be interested in wats malaysia turning into. even what that is goin on in malaysia...ppl feel so bored. everyday, the same thing. is there nothing better malaysia can do to progress?? we just stuck here. with nothing. who cares? its just a place for those who wanna get easy money. ppl who are lazy, non progressive, not active in anything, and wants life easy. that ppl who would debate and tell me how great malaysia is. those are the ppl who want that kinda life. just like YOU!!! u can stay here your whole life if u want. i am goin off! thanks.

sad day

ish...i am very emo today lah.all the bad bad news comes. so boring. thesis thesis thesis. everyday is oni thesis. wat else do we do?

nothing. its all bout thesis only and only thesis. izit worth it?

then comes the next stupid thing. conference. the greatest and biggest stupid moment of our life time. ish.. y? y is my life so sickening??

and i gotta make all the stupid calls. hey..i am not a ever ready kinda parrot talking u know? zzz

making me feel as if i am always thre without getting tired. call call call. oh my god. fuck it!

i hate callings. i hate them

so so so much till i just cant take it anymore. its so stupid. u call on all these industries, even those stupid gerai, and ask them bout collaborations and getting competitive advantage. omg..it sounds so stupid. and its like....dam zzz!!

wat to do? haiz.....

so what happens..

ah....i wonder what happens next. what will things be like. i really do. when we can predict the future. just like....how things or ppl change, all the time.

when its not right....we think it wont be ok. when things are tot to be right, it wont be right sometimes. making ppl think...its so.....unpredictable.

just like...if dong starts playing with his stupid fifa....will he forget whats most important. his studies, his leg and me!

or...will ppl, likenormal plastic things fall apart when it is neglected? will ppl understand? will they really do? how far and sincere will they actually try to understand and make things change? for at least themselves?

how long more will a heart be in its centre position when things like BPQ happens? when its so unfair to ppl who actually tried their very best to work hard and so hard, and yet fail just cos they cant see or cheat during finals?

did we not work hard?

how bout our final paper? how izit that, when we work, we strive, and yet it comes bac to us like it was a piece of shit? where had all the effort went to and what was left worth the time and blood? its so....

are we goin to be really made to be or just because we had no choice? did we have a choice? oh...yes we did. we could have pulled out when things got hard. but, why din we? its because, we were meant to take this bumby road, down the way...and never let it go. we were meant to by the hands of god. not to let go of such a wonderful opportunity. to learn and taste to feeling of failing. to learn and taste what it feel like to be..rejected. to learn and taste the taste of sleepless nights. to be able to drink up the wine when we are painfull inside.

its...such a painful life.