either or

its bout time, its either this or that.

its either i try my best to make the very best out of me, and leave UTAR with my head held high, or i will never even be able to be confident in my whole entire life. 

this is the moment where i gotta try hard. really put in all the effort and work towards the goal. might be impossible, but at least i TRIED. 

thesis, yes, its a very boring thing and we hav been working on it for such a long time. yet, its so far from ending. watever, i don care. lets just finish off from where I started and get going! 

messed up

ah....i don't know what left inside. nothing to see, nothing to read. i can't see MY future. its a dead end. nothing achieved, nothing done. nothing to be happy about, and nothing to jump around.

this is the moment where i find myself really going nuts. so many choices and yet, so little time. worst of all, so little BRAINS....

haiz...when life comes to a point where u gotta make the right decision, where turning bac is oni the kind of cases for rich ppl (no offense), you gotta be really sure. one wrong turn is like driving the in roads of KL, TOLL and PETROL. they all need tons of $$$$$....

its a sad thing when ppl ask u: 'how long more a girl?'
well, thank you very much for telling me that...i have oni 4 more months to go and i gotta make the decision right and fast.
then they continue with: 'so...whats next a? working life in coming already lo...!!'
which of cos, they seem happy for me of cos...
i nod and smile and say, i am not too sure...bla bla bla...
they continue with: 'aiya...enjoy ur uni life 1st la. no more chance already...'
haiz...i hang my head and think bac... ALL these years and sems, what was done in my uni life that was so memorable? all i remembered was...RUSH HOUR OF MY OWN EPISODS.

thinking back, working life vs uni life? which is a better choice?


uni life, u don't hav time to dress urself up and go out for dates because u gotta rush for projects and also the so call, meetings, with thesis, for ur finale year. thinking bout the 1st yr, was just all about little boys and girls, breaking up and going through a whole lot of places u tot it was new. then u work on things that hav no results and also...nothing to do with ur CGPA and resume. and u wonder...wat are u up to all these while?

then, u talk bout working life. u work work work...aimlessly towards UR goal, but oni to fullfil ur BOSS' goals. while...over here...boss gets good results, ur pay go up too. not ur goal? helping the company is also helping ur future. stablizing it.

and i turn around i ask myself, what am i doing? i would be the only person on the whole entire penisular of MALaysia, to say...well....i cant wait to go to work.

so...in the end, what do we hav? missing secondary life? we would hav just stopped there and remain happy for a very long time. but...human la, they wanna ahve recognition. so call, with papers to justify they are smart. so...the whole world starts going on for degree, masters and even phd. masters and phd, research and work. which proves u to be a level higher than ppl, and smarter because, u are masters of phd (no offense).

so...any ending to it? some one try to be the next genius and invent a killer machine. it reads ppl's mind. telluing the machine, please kill me when the time come, silently. the machine will do so and thank god, i am DEAD...

a thought...

if it was not for her, you would not hav to go through much of sorrows.
if it was not for her, you might hav already been free.
if it was not for her, you would hav gotten away with all the money if u did not resign.
if it was not for her, you need not work till today.
if it was not for her, life would be much of stressfree.
if it was not for her, things are much easier between u and the other.
if it was not for her, u need not hav to hav such a sick life
if it was not for her, u need not worry that much.
if it was not for her, ur hair would be much blacker than now.
if it was not for her, the house might hav a guess room.
if it was not for her, you need not hav to be embaressed in front of ur frens
if it was not for her...

many things could hav happen, a whole new life actually. but, sadly, she was born. the main actress in a film need not be the one who is the good one. sometimes, bad one wins the game too. depending on how u wanna play the game. in deed, she was not ment to be. however, she has to carry on the life of a flower. the name was need not mentioned, but however....very much remembered. the whole story of one child, who made the history of a family changed. yet, much was suffered and grief..they did not hav a choice.

in short, life was sad for the yoh and it has never been better. although happy moments come and go...it was never a long memory, be4 a sad one came. aih...wat more could hav been said than done? they did not hav any choice at all. it was all god's will. the power laid not in their hands, but on the merciful god. they tried their very best, but things never got any better.

should they give up or should they continue? the pain was torturing and not at all nice. they were missed inside a whole lot and not wanting to look forward. future was a word of sin in their life. or rather, it never hav been there in their life. they never dreamt of anything more than it to stop. and not to mention, the life was just as bad as when the japs came in and ruled their life.

was it that bad? they thought for long long tinme and the answer is no more then a nod on the head. why? why had it had to be this way? the life of a lonely boy. the life of a family yet to be carved. they only wanted peace and happiness. one would think it is not possible to hav those in that kind of situation. it was never even thought of. not even mentioned. the life ot the yoh.

wat more would they want and pray for? nothing but death. it was a funny moment when they had to wish for something. ah...during birthdays. a sad moment to remember. nothing of much was even celebrated. but rather, a sin day they all grief and mound about. why...why did they come to life? why were they brought?

because they were sin and therefore brought to repent? ah...the moments of rather believing so than to defend and seek for justice. the eyes of their lives had never been more than...just a thought, more than just a thought...

no CNY

my sister's fren, not being able to celebrate CNY, just because her mother is away, not free. 

now, tat is something i would seriously be sad of. haiz....i wonder how could tat be. sometimes, ppl are born into families that...mayb don't really bother much of this kind of events. but...to me, its something worth our time, our sparing, and our attention. 

i just don't und. 

aih

its the last day donkey will be over at cambodia. i miss him so much. and...i hav decided to write out something here...with this moment of emotions...zzz

now i know y i love u so much, because u are always there for me no matter what happens. u make time out for me, and make me feel loved and cared for. no matter how tired u are, u never fail to be with me, mostly mentally. ur absence makes me realized ur importance in my life, not just as a partner, but more than a partner. u make me realize who i am with u, and i will never forget that. every night, b4 i slp, i will think of u, miss u, and wonder how are u over there. and then i start to realize how much u have done for me, when i am not around and not there for u. just because i am busy with my things, my situation does not allow me to contact u, or watsoever, now i know how much it takes to go through those moments. thanks for being there for me. and i really do miss u. emailing u without getting any replies makes me sad. i find myself not wanting to mail u not because i don't love u or i am bored of not getting any replies, its because i don want to make myself sad while typing out things tat are not true just to make u happy and not worrying over me. in the future, who knows what might happen, how many more trips like these u gotta go. and i don't wan to be the one who is stopping u. i should be the one encouraging u to go. i want to be that girl. that person whom after a tiring trip, comes bac and she's there smiling, welcoming you. 

thats y donkey, i know now, what u are to me. love love!! all it takes it just a little more time to get used to it right? it all comes with some thing to learn from. 

sobsob

ok....i cant do without u. i admit it. i feel so sad now. i dono and i really dono y. i just don't get it. how do u get over it when i am away and cant contact u? u must be very strong.

i am not. i am really not. i cant help it. sorry...i lied that i would be strong, sorry i lied that i will keep myself busy, sorry i told u i would u reading my work and doing my thesis. 

cos i just cant.

i miss u already. and its sick. just cos i was out whole day and not having the stupid bat to call u, does not mean i don wanna talk more to u this mornin. i really wanted to. but...u were busy there at the air port.

the moment u left, i just felt....lost? i got u a sweater i and really hope u will love it. mayb it to keep me occupied while looking at so many clothes and hav something of u tat can be felt in my arms? i guess it must be stupid. 

and u will oni be bac on monday. how i wish i could go over to meet u the next weekend, but its CNY. how? after CNY, u should just let me tell u my time table. how i wish i could. now...

i am sorry for keep on having to procrastinate my entire schedule to let u know. i always felt that u will be there for me. well, u are still. wat i meant was, there for me to tell and talk to. looks like...we gotta hav a short break. 

well, u said u will call me on monday when u are back, how i just wished u would call me just right now. i don't care.....i really don't.

now, i wonder how are u over there. good? tired? hungry? cold? i dono....its such a so near yet so far place u know? i dono how to describe it right now. i feel very sad. missing u so much.

i told u i will be fine. looks like i am not. oh god......and while writing, i cry....i think...and i feel very bad. bad cos....i cant be strong and stand up. sorry baby....

back in action

its time of the yr again. once more, we hav to embrace the crazy sem of each yr, the one with CNY in it. the jan long sem....

again, my frens, we gotta be extra strong, working hard and actually harder b4 we finally grad. 

this is the time of the yr and the worst time tat we could be graduating, so...wat the hell, lets just enjoy every moment we have left in our uni life and make sure we party to the max!

i cant imagine its tat fast. i turn 22 soon this yr, and i am really looking forward to make something out of this sem. and...i think i just got tat in my mind. (xoxo-secrets babe)

well, all i cna say it we hav dam pissing subs this sem, but....LOVE THEM!!! yeah!!

we go girls!!