where were we??

the sudden tot of actually goin on makes me so....not happy. haiz.. again and again, thesis work never ends. its...the never ending story. remember? the one where we had funny fyling bears? and my fren said i had no childhood life just cos i don run around with dogs and cats, playing in padi fields and getting myself into lots of scatches. zzz

well, mayb i was brought up in a more.....booky area. where...u don open ur door to find urself, looking at wooden houses with zink roofs! or...u don open ur window, to suddenly find ur kids actually having fun with stray cats and feeding them with the same hands they had their breakfast. or...mayb i just don get the chance to hear cows moo, goats bleed...and horses neighing in the middle of the night. or..the sound of the tracktor moving in the fields to get padi. zzz

i was there too. my childhood. ppl have difference up bringin. and, i should say, i had a fair share of my fun too!! regardless of all the dirty running and shouting like mad fools...haha...i consider mine, proper and well done! a clap for my parents.

but, of cos we did stupid things and got our fair bit of beatings too!! haha....

its not how ppl perceive who we are, but, are we really wat they think? do ppl just want fun out of all the gossips and make a big hoo haa over it or do they really mean wat they say? are they sure and certain? do they take their lives upon and swar? i doubt.

for goodness sake. how many ppl in the cities today can see the stars? how many? with the polluted area and the smoke, wats left? dust!!
i don like ppl to criticise, but, is tat up to my control? nonono!!!
so, wats the fight about for?? jesus! they should know earlier...than wat is all these retarded critics when u don know anything. dono about wats goin on! dono things tat others have gone through. think b4 u speak. don be a nin con poop!! tats bad!!

its not a tradition izit? to actually make things so complicated? how bout, we just all go bac to square one? where things we...all over tin mining? now? wats the rocking about? wats the whole twist and turn for? presidenship? pls lah! read up ur history. we should be all known than not.

i remember, when i was young, we use to go in and out of s'pore just like, it was just another part of earth on the other side of the sea, tats all! now, when we go over, its like...goin over to a place where ppl look at u differently and make sconful eye sights at u. y? thanks to our big big uncles...they helped us create enemies. wow! and when we go shopping, the look of a malaysian wallet with all the RM inside, is...so so so...worthless.
tats...worthless alright! sell urself!

terresa freed

wat crap shit? just cos she is not a threat to the country? i find this so stupid. or...they just slap themselves on the faces? this is so....stupid. its like..creating nonsense so tat ppl will actually hav Malaysia in the bulletins. and....wow..!! we made it! great!

wats a threat?
boms? political violence? or...just cos her voice makes something in others thinking? is she tat good? to inspire? or...is the gov scared of something tat others cant know about? how active is malaysia in the terms of freedom of speach? we don practice democracy, we pratice demecracy berparlimen. so...how far do u think ppl in malaysia can talk?

this is madness. we're turnin outsleves into....the topic of discussion. how.....bersepadu is malaysians? wow.....lets bring up the past and make a real change. as if its goin to happen. y cant they just shut up and keep low? after all, tats wat ppl have been doin for the past donkey yrs..is tat not so? i tot we always HAD to remain SILENT. in case one fine day we come bac to see ourselves, locked up. gosh! this is mad

don care if u don bother

of cos...life goes on without ppl around u. it..depends, wat kind of ppl u are mixing with. it goes on to influence ur thinking, ur needs, ur way of handling other...many thing.. but, all goes down to, who u really are.

deep down inside, u may be someone, but, do others look at u and say:'yea...she/he is some one.' do they? or do they look at u and don bother to give any comments?

if u wanna be someone ppl bother talking about, in their daily lives, then be tat some one sincerely. don fake it out just to somebody ppl talk about. its so irritating! zzz

fake ppl are the worst kinda human kind possible. they think oni bout fame and not sincerity. its really pissing ppl off. well, its the education in them tat is not making their lives worthwhile. sad case..come all the way up to a uni standard, and this is wat they have. o.......

bad bad day!

today is a bad day for me. things din go right. came bac from tax, went to old town for frens birthday celebration. then after tat, zzz...felt so....zzz...cant slp but tired, cant study cos tired, cant do anything. haiz.

then now, dong is giving me prob...making me feel..very sad, mummy and kai kai quarreling, so many probs...zzz....all these ppl, they make my life interesting yes, i admit. but, izit at this time? haiz....

communication

wats communication? to me, it can be in many forms, but when it comes to sensitive things, face to face is the best way out. talk them all out, and lets solve probs. once and for all, get it over and done with. y drag on and make things bad? wats the point?

it will oni worsen relationships and make ur lives sad and angry. both parties will not be happy with each other. one don satisfy one's need, another will not know, what izit that is not satisfied. is tat not a bother? tats a real lot of bothers!!

long ago

o...have i ever told u, this was a pic taken when both me and riana were thrown into a place call, reality. where we had to go all the way out there for something, we never knew, would be a waste of time and effort. it was...wat i call, sickening! but, wat the hell..its all over now. its just for memory. and all that has been, we will always remember!

ground no. 1

ground no. one, never ever think about doin something stupid! no...i cannot do anything stupid and silly! its out of my reach!! never think of that.

tat was a bad little tot. i know it is...who cares? i don bother. i do wat i want to and wat makes me feel MYSELF! yes, and thank u!

my way...its goin to be MY way, if u are sorry at the end of the day, its ur prob.

wat the hell@@

i dono....i seriously dont! and don ask me y i dont cos i have tot of that stupid question a billion and one times, and nothing! nothing comes out!!!!

i seriously find it hard to believe that some ppl could just get pass away tat easily. how come i cant? wats so different in me that i CANT??? yes, tell me!
izit my brains? or my eyes? or?? wat??? i don see any difference! i cant take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life is so unfair, nothing is fair i know, but does it have to till tat extent? till the point where i don get wat i paid so much for? wat i have been waiting to prove and get at least a final-sigh..i finally did it?? did i not deserve such a treatment or was it tat i really don?
how can i not? i worked hard, so hard for wat i wanted to get, to at least...hav that little comment in my little heart, but, it never comes. never!!

i don see y i don deserve it, i really dont see y.. and how can other ppl who did not work hard for it, actually get wat they wanted?
i want that too..i really do. if i were to choose between working hard and getting the easy way out, i would take the easy way out. they both get the same outcome. wats the point of working so hard when life's short? i wanna be like them too. i really do. wat does it take to take it easy and make my life better?


do i have to take away my reputation? repo or wat? of wat? as if i am some kinda CEO, or a manager, wat? why does it even matter? i am nobody right now, and i dont see myself being somebody in the future that i have to keep my reputation of some highly well little student, who does everything she can, but, still never gets there.

oh....yes, never gets there. the whowhowho who never gets there...such a sad and pathetic story. should the world be told such a story? or should it be just held a secret? should i be the oni one who knows it..or should i announce it. share it with the whole wide world, that this is such an easy way to success and good results. y not? its so much easier. and...so much fun loving...

enjoying b4 finals...o....how many ppl can afford that luxury? i would love too! trust me....

but, sometimes, i just never have the little luck of being dirty and bitchy. mayb...i used them all up during my sec school like, to be too over bitchy. therefore, sad case. round round round~~

walah...the world still goes round. like....a....nin con poop!! ##

yokay...here goes..

ok, here it goes, once again, life without any worries.

how to be there? its hard, not easy at all, and never achievable. not that we cant reach it, it keep running away, and we need time to catch up, and that lack!

when its time to let go, let go. don hold on to something u will never hold long and in the end, hurt urself more than anyone else. when i was in secondary school, a fren of mine, cos of one little mistake, the whole of the other school was all against her. now, she wanted to make things right, u think possible? i don think so. they find her very irritating and always 'acting'. was she? she was not, she was sincere. but ppl on the other hand saw something else...not wat she wanted to project in her whole life.
off she went, and....tats it lah! hehe.

another thing, looks, i don see y looks are so important. they don really matter at all. in fact, who cares? pretty girls are just for show. they don mean anything at all. tats all, u are pretty, u get a few more looks from others, a few more flowers that u never want to see in ur life, wats the point? i don see why ppl want to be pretty and beautiful there when they don want any attention at all. zzz
i had a fren, who as not very pretty, fat and...just normal. and now? she wants to make it even better. on her frenster, she worte, lets make ourselves better looking. now...tat sound so extra fake?!?!?
looks fade, and...its no point to make urself BE pretty. just be baturally urself.

sometimes, we cant help it can we? we say we gotta do this and tat, but....things just don go out the way we wanted it to be at 1st. we're all lazy pigs..hehe...who aint no wanna do anything serious in life. for me, i just wanna be normal. lead a simple life, be happy with my family. donkey's goin to make that happen too!! hehe...we make each other happy. tats wat life is all about. to be HAPPY.

yulp...so..be happy. who cares of wat other's think of?
they can be much better of than u, but, so????

its true

yulp, its true, its like 4.42, and i am finally up, 4.42am, in the mornin.

i did a very silly mistake in accounts paper, the 1st paper, and i tot i could scored. looks like it was another let down. of cos i am sad, i am not that kinda freakin ppl who go like, ITs OVER!!! s..GET REAL... too bad, tats not me, i am kinda...i dono how to describe it. ish

so...here i am, up and studying, fighting on. i just hate let downs, and i really don wanna see them comin. 'but the always do'....

i done with it...and i am still fighting....wonder y..@@

guess tats life when...u're stuck! ~~~

2 more hours

another 2 more hours and i will be able to determined my faith in accounts. this is the last accounts paper for the whole of my degree course and i am looking so forward to get it over and done with it.

yes...yes..call me an accountant..but, so wat? don mean i must love accounts so much i cant live without it kay....@@

i bet its just life, we see things in a very positive way do we? accounts, here i come and this time, is the last chance to see if i really, can take wat accountants do for a living. conso..muacks!

manners

wats manners? anybody? wats being polite?

some ppl just wont be. some just take things for granted. they think that when others are doin it, its also for them. which, of cos...sometimes, ppl have no choice out of, manners.
whoever, what do these ppl get in return? nothing.

how could some one, who just eats out of others pockets, and not return anything in favor? me and lilian, we both buy things bac to eat and share, cook for each other. and she? she just think of herself. no one but HERSELF. yulks. worst kinda attitude cases.

she cooks for her own, and never ever cooks for us, mayb cos she dono how to. and, when others cook, it includes hers. omg..i cant believe there is such a person in town. no family up bringing at all! and, i am her fren. wat a disgrace!

i feel so ashame to be part of her life, and she, being part of me...is even worse. lets up a stop shall we? hehe....things will turn better. no cheap skat ppl in my life, around me...making use of me...and taking things from me just cos they are POOR..shame on them.

conspiracy...deal!

yes, of cos, when we have made up our minds tat something wont work out right, it will never work out right. but....but...sometimes, its not up to us to say. ppl who hav great experience and know wats goin round the world will tell u, it does not always go UR way. yulp...its always very true.

the earth is not turning because of u, its turning as it always have been. it is not around u, its around our big sun. hasn't it seem like common sense to u?

yea..accept wats goin on is not too bad izit? or..listening wat others have to say would be a much better idea, rather than goin all out on something tat, 90% think wont turn out right. or rather, ppl think it wont turn out right.

over ambitious. yulp, how many times has it seem tat it has lead u to a dead end? cant u learn from mistakes? sometimes, its not tat u are incapable of, or others are not willing to help out, but, its just how things are meant to be! remember, its not U tat the world is goin round and round for. its nature.

again and again, u bang the wall urself. hit high and make a low turn bac, by telling how much work others should have put in at the beginning. go all out without listening, and u will say, u never told me so! well, how many times would u wanna bang the wall and make ur face flat? a flat tire wont go far. so would a face.

ppl around u. yes....there are all kinds of ppl, good bad, tall thin, fat short, smart stupid...u name it. all types. but, choose who to listen, and ur left and right man well, or u will end up, looking at urself in the mirror with nothing by ur side. they said that...Cesar was a man with high dignity and chose his right man well, but, the right,man fell in love with wat we call...woman. lush! yes...so all went wrong again. is it just a lush? or do u really find him sensible and ur type of guy? he loves u? or cos u are pretty and outspoken and stupid?

be choosy, yes...always. chose the best idea that comes from ur ppl, not others. thats wat the kings always do. never never listen blindly. chose them well. as well as to lead a whole troupe of ppl.

is tat hard to do?

i don think so. its wat we call: COMMON SENSE.
darling girl, u should know better.

hair lossssss

oh great, just when things are getting a little busy busy busy, my hair starts falling like mad. i dono.....just cos yesterday i was too lazy to wash my hair, tons of them fell down like its snowing..zzz..pengsan!!
well, its bothering me, of cos it does!! i am a girl k!! and hair is a very essential part of my body! ~~ my dad told me to cut short and see, mayb due to stress also. tomorrow i will wash my hair again and see if the amount is amazing once more. aih....sad case!

wat a life, god...with aap comin on wed, i am freaking out already. and this is making me even more scared of everything tats goin to happen. and, one more thing is that, everytime i eat outside food, my tummy, my whole body feels like...its not there. feels cold, tired and very very jellified. zzz...
oh my...wats goin on?? i have been eating the same food for the past 2 yrs in this place, nothing went wrong.

and nightmares...oh god....cant i have a night of peace? i need to slp.....
i seldom have any in the past, and i keep having them now! even an afternoon nap makes me even more tired, cos in my dreams, god knows wat i am doin. zzz

haiz...life. my life...wat a life.....##

sad

oh well, things are not that good lately. hope it will turn out better than it is now when finals are all over. haiz

y? y things go bad? y cant they just be the same? its not the same anymore u know? u dont? i feel so k, and its really not the same anymore. mayb to me, but not to u yet.

u dont feel so? or am i a little emotional these days? a little too tired? a little too..uncertain?

its not that we have not met longer than this b4, but....i feel different. u are different. u keep telling me things are the same, and nothing has changed. but...are u really sure? i don think so and its not the same. i know. i can feel it in my bones.

y?? y things change??