oh my god!

haiz...wat a holiday to ipoh and kl. my mummy's fren's house. tiring and not very nice, except for the fact that we did enjoy ourselves in ipoh....food and the white water rafting.
i hate hols!! miss my donkey like mad. cant wait for uni to start...then he will come find me on the 1st week itself! nice!! hehe...u don know wats its like to miss ur donkey!! the feeling is awfully zzz...double zzz...haiz!!!! although he always says he und, but, bet he is suffering too...like me...sadsad...

blek! well...the rest was ok...just that i cant really accept the fact that some ppl can be so...zz!!! they stick to u like a piece of glue, and i hate it! haiz....tell me wats new..

impossible...

keke...when i posted tat...i was in a mixed feeling. din know wat was goin through my brain cells. which of cos, was kinda messy of cos at that moment.

today...was not a very nice day. dam it, was disturbed my her early in the mornin. zzz...open and close the milo tin. walao...swt! tats is very inconsiderate and kinda pissing too! dont know wat is common sense? i dono how come some times right, ppl can be so unaware of wat they are doin. zzz...u know, if i wake up early, opening my cereal packet also i open outside. i don think my mum had to tell me tat lo seriously. zzz...total bull crap!

sometimes u get kinda irritated when things like tat happen lo. haiz...tats y, i cant wait to get out! one more sem to go. haiz! i don care if u know or not la, but its so farking irritating! and they say we look alike! omg..i think they must be blind. me and u hav a lot of facial differences. i am totally aware of it lo...hehe...don need for anyone else to tell me tat. cos, i think, i hav eyes!! hehe...sorry!!!! but, truth hurts!

anyways, the last paper is tomorrow, and then iall of us are free...hehe..free birds! wonder wats the plan for tomorrow. haiz...else, just stay at home and on9 with donkey!!!

haiz..waiting for donkey also susah. haiz...he is tired...slping till now. OMG!!! yulp! tats how i feel too..hehe...piggy donkey! zzz
miss him lots! haiz...when is her goin to wake up and msg me?? like dying di.

they say love is sweet and at the same time painful...mayb lo....

y love when its painful? wat a statement....love is not really painful if u know how to manage it la girl...come to think of it, urs is, and till now, i don quite und y u haven forgot about him yet. is he really tat great to u? come on, there are so many other guys out there...and u're not the only girl...besides, are u in a very bad shape till no one can bare u only him?? no!!! so.. just stop it...u're driving urself crazy! haiz...u should let go by now u know....its kinda..like psychologically not correct to just keep holding on to nothing. its scary too, cos ppl might think tat u are mad...goin crazy and stuf. so...watch out la..think urself out of it. save urself.

but, come to think of that, if one day, touch wood la!!! erm, donkey leaves me, i will be in total lost! i wont know wat to do also....omg!!!! yulp, power of love...hehe..blek! its sweet at times...too!! haha...haiz..donkey...faster wake up la...me miss u lots o...blek!

ob is done..just the last chap, case study. zzz...stress and stressors. omg.!!!! dono wat crap la...but, wat to do...

well...may god bless us all...its the last paper!

no...its not impossible

when ppl ask if its really ok...no..i don think so. its not to say tat they matter a lot in a process....but, still, it plays quite a lot of importance. and, feeling it right now it way too late. cos, wats done is done. yulp!

well...once spoken...u cant take bac ur words...same goes! just have to look forward and continue tis life. its not wrong, don get me wrong...nothing is right or wrong. so...this is the same thing. u can look at it in lotsa perspectives. all...still brings u bac to...ask urself. tats it!

today...

1st day of my paper was ok...except the part where i din read the 12mark question....and the one out of tips...which was another 12marks.
tell me bout it!! zzz....

today, my roomie said something tat i find, very stupid. she said, wat kinda chinese wont know that 22nd dec this yr is time for tang yuan....zzz...is there such a thing tat all chinese must take note of this? then...its the same saying that all chinese must know who to read and write chinese too! bull crap!

sometimes, ppl must be aware of wat they say. some makes sense and others dont. this is the major difference when u try to show how smart u are. blek!

my 2nd paper is on wed, OB...wonder how it would be. the feeling of after the papers...zzz...hehe...

donkey is at home...but, is goin out later. to chill with his frens. keke...goin to lap some chics! wahahaha.... haiz...hope to finish studyin today. so tat i wont be so stressed up tomorrow. just revise slowly can already. mayb will slp late. maybe... depends too, cos, i am kinda tired. hope my spirits are high.

jensen just got me a pendrive. its bout time i change mine. zzz...the old one..is.. too small. hehe...then i can save some songs bac for my sisiter. infact, all of the songs that she wants!!! haha...she just passed her undang...now..planning for the next step.

hols is goin to start soon, but its a pity i cant meet donkey before goin bac for my long long hols. will be busy during this hols. zzz...lotsa things to do. clean this and that...gotta go swimming too! with my sis. hehe... goin for hols with my family too! cant wait to go s'pore. hehe...its christmas...but, wont be there to celebrate. will be in kl. and...donkey will be in kl too!!! zzz part is, we're both in ampang! and we cant meet. dam it! haiz....shockingly sad!

anyways....a long day to go. hungry now di...but my roomie still sleeping. zzz...if i eat now, later will be too full to eat. zzz la...dam this stomach! hari-hari lapar! and i said i am on a diet! omg.....bless me!

emo day

zzz...last day donkey is here with me...feeling down..dono when is the next time we're going to meet again...haiz.
life's hard, but kinda like a challenge....that both of us hav to go through....haiz...

after this, goin bac home, gotta study real hard for this time's finals...to score..duh??
then...its goin t be long long holiday, dono when can meet donkey again...sad case.
dam it!!!!

yesterday, we went for a movie...the kingdom...omg...the ppl killed in war...scary!! so many disgusting things...zzz!!!
but, overall, it was a great movie....
hehe...better also...with donkey!!
keke....blek!

donkey is still sleeping...haiz..din even bother bout me...pig! don think he knows i am not there also...see la!!!! haiz...this kinda bf...sad sad....
we went for man u last night, or rather this mornin....keke...cold!!!!! and i forgot to hang the clothers, so after the match, we came bac, i had to hang them b4 slping...
nice to watch with donkey!!! lalala...

anyways...haiz.....

today

donkey is comin today...not on sunday...and i am so happy.
cant believe it...he wanted to give me a surprise by not telling me..hehe..
but, he made me cry yesterday...so he had no choice, and the only way to make me happy again was to tell me this great news!!!!
hehe...i am so os so happy...still waiting for him...then we will eat dinner...
nice...the sweetest thing that he could give me...thanks donkey!!!
blek!

miss home...cant wait to go home..
u know, when u are down...and don feel like it, all u think of??
its HOME...

home is where the heart is. no mattter how far u are
how long u are out, at the end of the day
home is where u wanna go bac to.

tats wat i am feeling now. miss my mummy...
my sister's jokes...and my papa's food.
haiz...gonna be at home after my finals....
its like...home sweet home.

my mummy just called me today, asking me how am i, how is study week goin on?
i told her...ok...nothing much.
din want her to worry...its just so heart breaking..
since young, i always let my mum worry.
no matter wat i do, say or watever....she will always be worried.
its like i never grow up. now...still the same to donkey...
he also feels like i still haven grow up...
sikit pun tak de...

haiz....seriously...i need to do some soul searching la...
its like..so serious di.
omFg....

day4 night....

haiz....just finish talking to donkey.
dono...talked till its like...i always don get him, midund him...makes things hard for him..
make him sad..angry..disappointed...haiz....
dam it...!!!!

how leh? i also dono...i really dono him? is tat possible??
how can tat be? omg....lost.
if i dono him...then..how can i fall for him??
if i dono him..and fall for him..means wat? i am wat?
omg...this is so zzz..~~

arven n just called to say she is not comin over anymore. thanks god...
i wont know wat to say to her...cos, b4 this, she said she's alone..
scared...so..ok lo...let her stay the night..
but, its gonna be so so..zzz
keke...good ting she is goin out for a movie..hahahaha

at least...something went right today....haiz..
mayb i am not good enough..
..oooooooooooooo..

day4: evening...

whole day of studying...zz...getting so bored. so much to read..haiz!!! miss him so muich....cant wait. he is having the prize giving thingy now...and, he is so pissed...zzz..poor donkey...haiz

but...i am getting sick...!!!! oh no...flu...haiz...sad sad....dam it la..must get well soon. else...cant study...

haiz...i am dying...

day 4: early mornin...

so emo now....dono la...donkey say me just now...ask me to think about my priorities...but, i really wanna finish my gift for him...

i admit i am really tired...but, don scold me la...i know u are not scolding me la...just saying me..but, very emo u know? sad...no mood wanna do things di. nothing can come out from me brains now. cos...kinda unwell...emotionally.

dono..feel like just giving up...don wanna do it anymore. haiz...should now hav even thought of it. zzz...feeling extra stupid. but, i don wanna throw everything away just like tat...i really want him to hav it...haiz...

lost now...zzz...and..very sad. dam sad. at the same time, cos he is even more tired than i am...he is very very very emo. feeling zzz la....haiz...

i don think so...hmmm...

today...my old fren msg me. could not reply her...cos..she would be a very very long winded person...then my days are finished. haiz...she asked me, is crying a very wrong thing. asking me? zzz...i dono...is it??

when u are down...lost...and tired, u dont wanna talk, feel like just keeping to urself but u cant, cos probs keep on comin in. making ur life so sick...then, i don think crying is wrong. it releases everything inside. all the stress we hav. is tat wrong? of cos not.

some ppl cry...cos..they really dono wat else can they do. where to seek help, and from whom. haiz...wonder how would tat be when it reaches a person who is already almost at the edge of giving up. zzz....they will commit suicide!!!! haiz....sad case. but, they cant do much.

to me, tats the most stupidest question to ask. wanna cry, just cry la. zzz...i don think i hav so much time to bother bout who is crying around me, what they are sad about, why they are doin this, wat can i do to help....all these la. if i hav nothing to do, mayb la, but, right now, no way la..stupid. try solving ur own probs, tats the best. zzz...speachless.

day 3: evening...

zzz...pissed off la...seriously! after the movie...everything is: fucking!

haiz...i feel sometimes...ppl think i am pekak. haiz...1st was donkey...zzz...then my roomie. wats wrong? wat i did?? pissed.

i know..i am always smart...when things go wrong, i will manja the person tat i stepped on...then they wont get angry di...ya...zzz..

how i wished i cant hear anything. zzz...then i can hav a short nap. all i am asking is that, very hard? too much? wow..looks like...i am really a demanding person.

a wish from me..tat is to disappear. then...i wont hav any problems any more. things will be like as if they never exsisted. good. just the way i wanted them to be.

haiz....just don feel like talking much. moodless. a moodless day for me. wished i ws sick. then i can sleep.

day 3 mornin....

haiz...another mornin...stupid day...din slp the whole night yesterday. was doin my stuf....looking through my guidelines. preparing for finals la...zzz....moodless today. went out for supper at 3 something with kk...zzz...he was hungry..so i accompanied him lo..and ate also la...zzz...grow fat only. haiz...cant resist temptation. dam it!!! gotta be a little stronger...hehe....

last night, donkey told me tat today would be a very very busy day for him...sad...sad...no time for me...haiz..wat to do..gotta und...hehe..gonna miss him lots...and i already do! ZZzzZZZzzZzzzz

wondered why some ppl thinks tat we lived for them? when its their prob, we hav to solve them. haiz..responsibilities. hate them when i am in the lazy mood. fish!!!! wonder wats next...today..after cutting and doin some of wat i am suppose to do..keke...wonder wats next...haiz...another boring day ahead..study....

gotta make a trip to uni...now...haiz...hate walking...

donkey!!!!!!

when donkey messages me....at all times...

then donkey is by me side....hehe....sweet sweet!!!

when donkey is not with me.....sad sad.....


its a donkey world out there.....blek!!!!!
love him lots!

day 2: evening...

o...after meeting..came bac to find..my roomie left for selayang di...haiz...zzz...boring...!!!!! msg me donkey...he is still in it...kesian....haiz!!!! wished i was there..keke...(as if i can make things better.)

waiting for him to come on9...while doin that...studying my ob...not that i like...but hav to!!! stupid right??? haiz....

will hav dinner soon with my"bro" kk....

day2...afternoon:

due to morning classes...got up early and made myself busy in class..but..zzz..din feel too good in class just now. dono y..mayb cos hungry...then the meds too some bad action in my tummy...haiz...

came bac after my breakfast...nice...haha...was a great meal.
went to the shop to get some stuf to make something for my donkey...hehe...told him tat he has to use it...no matter wat. haha...
he said ok..no prob. keke...nice..

had a nap just now...wonderful. just wat i needed. a pig needs it.
wishing donkey was here....blek!!
goin for a meeting later....then..mayb yam cha of see how lo..
gotta come bac and study...hehe....guide lines were given today.
hopefully...will be able to be faster than planned.
then can do more things.

din go for itm tutorials just now. boring la..lazy wanna go.
my roomie just left...she has meeting too...and then later, goin to find her bf...keke..
she's gonna miss him lots too, he is goin bac to kuantan to work.
this fri last day...haiz....sad case.

gtg soon....haiz..goin bac to the shop to get another few more things..hehe..
hope it works out right. just the way i wanted it to. will start doin it after i finish wat i am suppose to do..

yeah.....

ever wondered...where do lonely hearts go?? whitney sang tat song..
zzz....haha....

1st day...night:

o...went by without much probs..just..missing him really badly. he got sort of like made used of..thats really very sickening!!!! i cant care to see it. haiz...this is really crazy!

and, today, he told me his results for his leg thingy was out. and...he might hav to go for another op. i am so so so scared!!!!! dono wat would it be like...goin through wat he told me yesterday...his ex during the 1st one. omg....save me....cant bare to see this.

made a deal with him today...to tell him after 2 months. i need time...thankfully, he und..and is not giving me any pressure. tats the best part. thanks donkey!!!!! hehe

sometimes...i find it hard to belive, how much ppl can do, for love. makes me wonder y certain ppl cant. haunting my days all these while. hope it gets off soon. i wonder if anyone knows it. zzz...its a strange and funny place out there...

day1: mornin...

day 1: my donkey is not free...he had to gt up mush more earlier then expected...and, msged me that he will be early..
o....mornin was ok...planned my finals revision period...gotta start early cos donkey is comin down..and wanna spend time with him..for the last few days...hehe..
my diary is kinda full...lots to cover, but little time. plus, the excitement that baby donkey is comin..hehe..nice!! cant wait. but, for the next few days, its gonna be kinda killing for me...
don worry, i will be strong!!! hehe...
something bout women is that they are strong...i guess..at times.
talk to the hand...zzz!!!!
and i just downloaded a few cartoons, hehe..cant wait to watch them..wonder if donkey wants to watch too..hehe...he got the 7am bus ticket on sunday...haha...and i will meet him at the bus station, pudu.
zzz...its outta control...blek!
its only mornin...lost but, still aware of the condition.
miss u!!! blek

donkey!!!

oh...another few more hours and i will b in isolation...zzzz...
donkey wont be free from the 27th till the 1st...but, i can survive..can do my revision and spend time studying!!! zzz right...unbelievable..haha...
but, i cant wait for him to come on the 2nd. he will reach here at lunch time...hehe..i will go down to pudu to meet him!!! hehe...then on the 5th, we will go bac to our hometown together... he bac in AS, and me in JB...zzz...sadsad...the parting is the worst thing in my life!

stupid line having probs everyday...cant go on9...sometimes, like wat my roomie says, its bcoz we don pay...our rather..eric din't pay..on time!!!! haiz...dono y he just cant pay when we pay him every month!! its just down the street wat...haiz...lazy bums!! but, if u ask me to go and pay..hehe...i will be lazy too..but, he is the head of the house wat...responsibilities!!!! dong dong dong...

finally...i got myself a new room, me and my roomie...both a room each! same place at cypress...but, not bac la...next blog... its my frens unit...she is staying there...and, we find it a pleasent place...for the beginning la....hehe...wont know how its like..staying in it...right?? haha..

sem is comin to an end...suddenly...so many otes to copy...cos, din go for class..zzz...yes..me fault!! haha...lazy wat...all management subs only...haiz..don care la..tats y..now its like killing.. but, its nice too...getting the chance to hav fun during classes...haahaa...ponteng...lalala... tats my old hobby!!! yeah...!!!

no no no!!!!!

its not the price i pay, its how much i get outta it. i don care how many times i have been hurt. or how many times i have to get hurt. i miss him, yes i do. but, distance is such a torturing thing. even parents are so so so stressing. relationships go bad if they are in stress...and might even hav to go to the extreme...no one knows, and no one will und, wat the feeling is like, to be trapped between to things..and making all the fucked up decisions...its really not very very nice. i told him, tat i am very emo bout his freedom. and the time he can actually freely go around...zzz...does not make things work right?? i am lost. in total bull crap!! bloody!

its very hurting to find that u cant do this, cant do that...the no trust there is so so so sickening!!!! ur parents don trust u, and they don give u freedom at all...and, its really making me so tired. i dono how long i cant withstand this whole thing. sometimes, in a relationship, lying is a very very hard thing to do. and, its very very sick too!!! makes u feel so all weak inside. and...sad too!!!! tiring is the word. and that is something i really doo wat to do about. in fact, i cant do anything bout it!!!!

my best fren was just asking me how, cos her bf never bothers bout her. its already 2 yrs...and guys some how or rather can just give up that easily. y?? i really don und. y?? he can just let the days go by without calling her, msging her...wat kinda bf is this?? and he claims he loves her?? bull crap la...
are girls really that stupid???
i really wonder. cant we fight for ourselves?? making our lives better?? its like..men are controling it, and making it so so so bad!!! b4 this, i nvr had such missing probs...nor having to find time with him..or any particular person. now, its so heart breaking!!! i kinda wonder...how she manages all this!! she is really strong. a bf is there to give us support, and vice versa...but, she is supporting herself..and all alone..doin that.

i know, life is not all bout this, but, is a major impact in me. tats y...i find it impossible to just let go. just let nature take its time...letting things do wat they are suppose to...its so..not me! ppl say, go a step and take a look around, then take the next. i dono how we're goin to take the next step. tell me...

basically...its life la..just the ups and downs...

like no way man!!!!

sometimes, it really has got u on hold. being in a relationship, it does have its side effects, and when u are making a turning point to get one done, there are things u gotta sacrifice. does it look very no no to u?? i don see the main purpose. if 2 cant commit to each other, making last minute changes on each other's trust and so on..wats the point? u wanna have a girl by ur side, make her trust u as much as u can trust her. make her feel that she is there...if u cant, then don give her high hopes at the beginning.. i don see the point. y do ppl have to go through all these nonsense? yea...some say, it was the other party who got themselves into trouble. hey, u know something, trouble dont spell themselves k? we spell them and we made them. the way they are. we don have a choice? bull crap!!!! wat do u mean? feelings don just go away for a reason. we made them left us. we made them lost inside out hearts. does it even matter to some one that u don care anymore?? said...is easier to be than done. trust me, u gotta realise this urself. when u are in such, u wont know what are u thinkin at all...making others wonder...and ponder. they suffer. do u get the fun? no...of cos not!!
when my fren told me bout ur play, i was shock. really, trust me to trust u so much! how can that be happening to u?? a person i looked up so highly upon!!!! give me a chance to say that this is all wrong. my impression on u was like..down the drain oh lord!!! really....

when u told me that there was nothing, u think i am stupid?? do i lookstupid?? to u?? do i? fren, give u a piece of advice, nvr judge a book by its cover.
trust these words and they will bring u a long way out there...

max!!

sometimes, its not easy to say wat u really feel inside. to ppl around u or those whom u don reallt know. its really not very nice, keeping everythin inside. not that u don wanna talk about it, but, u just cant say it. u like it or not, u have to accept it and take it the way it is...thats y, life's sucks!

so?? not everyone is the same.

same source, adam and eve. but, so? all can be so different. there are so many types of ppl in this world. it does not matter if u are from the same cultural or not, but, i have to say, ppl with their own thought, own mentality are also out there. to me, if you cant accept the fact that not everyone has to agree with u, then something is wrong with u. u might have something call attitude prob.

i did it?? i don think so. i am not tat powerful.

really?

wow! i cant believe it? is this really true?? KK told me that simon wants to sabotage our social night! zzz...i cant let this happen. he has being very stupid. he went to kc and told her stuf, and ask her not to tell anyone, me also...and, he came to me and ask tell me stuf, and told me not to tell anyone. zzz...now, that is really a stupid move. he should jolly well know, who are we. we are like...so...close. how would it be possible to not let each other know bout this? is a society, no way! he is outta his mind.

however, i on the other hand, would like to see how far can he continue this game. remember the saying, keep ur frens close, keep ur enemies closer! this is wat i and 3 of my closer members think. bull crap! zzz...playing with the wrong company! brainless! this is goin to be the joke of the century!!!!

total chillout!

its been a whole day. wow. tat was like...cool! after the midterm for my OB paper, i was like a bird. i cant wait to get home...miss my mum and my sister. my dad is gonna get tickets for me later. he just made a call to asked me bout the details.

after test, simon, the vice of src called me up and asked me to meet him at dsa, it was after my paer, and all of us wanted to get some lunch. haiz...wat to do. had no choice. zzz...went over to meet him again. well, as usual, expected...i knew wat was he goin to tell me. bout the social night.

he wanted a join. how was tat possible?? i mean, we have both different objectives, and the program flow it totally different. he has a dream, so does cds. not to say, i should not lie, i was not really into it. but, i knew how he felt. the want ans desire to fulfill his dream. just tat, there was one small problem, he forgot that his dream is not a one man show thing. he din realize that playing the whole ting by himself is impossible. unable to get the support from ms sum, he was really desperate....or should i say...very upset. his dream...was like..down the drain! however, he actually made a call to the dean, mr lai, and mr lai actually seem very into his idea of having the FAM anniversary night. well, monday wanting me to meet up with him, was the best he could try to pursued me to actually either join forces or cancel mine! ITS A BIG NONO!!!!! asking to cancel this dream of cds is totally bull crap! i cant imgaine he actually had tat in mind, or something like join force. then came the reality part. who is gonna take charge and lead. i am very sure that cds is able to take charge themselves, without the need of others. and i have faith in the oc and her vice. basically, i don see the connection here??? its like...impossible??!!

i wanted to tell him there and then, but, tot of wat mr lai would think, cds chair, a very very thick headed person...hmmm...i am not letting cds into the bad books of the uni. tats y i have decided to meet up with mr lai and see how much he can try and talk to me. i stand at the point of not wanting to hurt anyone, not my committee, not src.

its a decision that i have to make...and its all after a day of craps! this is life, gotta handle it just the way it wants to be....

love it, live it!

save me

save me from temptation
save me from anger
save me from irritation
save me from confusion
save me from all these
that will do me no good

has it been always me?
has it always been like this?
has it caused me much sufferings?
has it made me the who i am?

why do i have to take all these?
why do i have to swallow all?
why is it me?
why was it me who always gets it?
why me?

i don see the relation
i don see the pride
i don see the benefits
i don see any
so..wats the point?

its not my fault
its non of my business
its not me in that situation
its not under my control

but, i can change it
i can get away from it
i can manage it if i want to
i will find my way
even if i hurt u
I AM SORRY
but, too bad, its all done
the cut is there

save me from this,
and u will be ok
but, do it fast
i have lots of temper in me
waiting to be exploded into ashes
like a volcano erupting
a hurricane raising
a mad dog on the run

save me...i need wat i need
the peace and freedom
the wanting of having my life
the freedom of speech
the freedom of reality
the freedom of killing


give me the license to kill
or the power to demolish
give me time to let go
or the mind to forget
give it to me.
all will be in peace

dam it!

i am burning red! just like this color! life's sucks when u have to tolerate so many things. things are fine, but, ppl are the worst thing in life u will every wanna think of. i just cant imagine, how can she be such a selfish person. so? awal awal already kasi muka masam. hello, org ada kacau lu semasa tidur ke? think la k? really attitude prob. asked u k, if u wanna eat later b4 class, u din say anything! i am talking to a wall izit? fine, from now on, u lead ur life, an i will go mine. u can call ur bf everyday to temen u here, and i will b out of this place asap. one i get a room right, i will leave. don worry. try appreciating me k? cos, u cant afford a room to urself. i don care bout the deposit la..i really don give a dam. 700 or wat ever....ur face gives me cancer, which is not worth 700 only. now u know, improving urself k? think about it! fuck u!

zzz...y??

sometimes, u cant blame it on anyone. but, its not very nice to let others know about how u really feel. and, neither is it ok to let ppl look at ur face when u are in a very bad mood. mayb i cant blame u, cos u were born with tat kinda facial expression, don blame it on ur parents....dono how many times i have to tell myself this to make me feel better, tat u were borned with this kinda face. its a torture to lok at it day and night! u will nvr realise this. u know why? cos, u find urself very pleasant. when a person smiles, he or she looks nice, whether or not they are pretty or handsome. however, when u put that look on, u know ppl are not borne to bare that look k? we are not bound to swallow all that!

i just cant wait for next may, when things will change. i will have my freedom. no one will disturb me during my sleep, and i can sleep in peace. i find it very very annoying, but, can i say anything? with ur temper, haven't we quarreled over this b4? and? what u think it has brought us to? ur changes? any?? NO! thats ur prob u know. u have to know, that i have been very tolerant with u, in and out of ur ways. u know wat i really need now? some peace!!! to be able to sleep and enjoy wat I as a human have the rights to! tats y, i have to say that, if u cant afford to get what i am planing to, just think y i cant take it anymore. its like...so sickening!!!! ur attitude! i know thats ur way of treating ur family members, but bare in mind, do i look like ur family member? no, and io wont want to be also. loud ppl!!! gosh! try to spare thoughts for others. its very important!!! haiz...i really dono..u have a real serious prob here.

when u said and told ur probs on getting a room here cos its too ex for u, do u know tat u are being very selfish? not everyone has to think for u and und ur situation and actually go ur way. really, i cant wait to actually leave at times, to go bac, or out, but, u know that I PAID for what i should have? u have no right to do this. too bad, u never appreciate and this is wat u get. i can find a room wherever i want, i don give a dam on the price, as long as they have responsible housemates and some quieter ppl. i am happy with tat. trust me, u wont really und wat a hard time i am goin throught! but, i would say, no thanks to all. its really enough!!!!!!!!!

didididadadadododo

its like...wow!!!! my life today was really scary!! 1st thing in the mornin, got myself into some real big trouble. so many things to deal with. so many last minute probs that i cant handle. but, had to make a decision. in the end, alls well...thank god!! its tiring la...but, still managable. but, i need a break!!!! sat i have to go to pj campus to make some bigger decisions...zzz...this is goin to kill. sun do publicity. mon give notes. so many many things. sat next week will be the 1st test. bored.....haiz...save me......................................................................................................................................

this is it la...

tell me, wats the point? i went to tutorials today, and to find out that my tutor expects us to memorize definations of term, when its a management sub. instead of having us to fully und the term, its rather, she wants us to vomit out word by word, sebiji sebulat. apa benda ni?? eh...if thats the case, wats the point of goin to lecture?? to go there, is to make sure we und the whole concept, and will be able to apply it in our future! is tat not it?? but, wat she wants is us to vomit wat we have memorized. not wat we have learnt! this is so mad!!!!! i really cant accept this fact and i find it stupidly rediculas!!!!! to me, it seems that the education system nowadays are replying more on wat is in the text, rather then having us to und, apply and use them to help our company and the country. its more like, asalkan betul, memang dia akan tahu macam mana buat nanti. wat??

this is so stupid!!!! the education system needs some revising, and i find it very important to be able to say out the meaning of a particular term using our own words, cos it will determined if we really und that term or not. unless this country is meant for dudes, cos, all they can do is memorise, but, not apply.

is tat not we always have to do for out eng papers?? explain in ur own words... then wat else?? wats the point of doin it for eng, but, not being able to apply it for other subjects? is it done to kill ppl who cant do well in eng?? then...mayb everything should be sebulat bulat like in the dictionary. tat would be better.

but, i doubt my tutors and lecturer being able to give me the full defination of a term, 100% right. if they demand such, then they should be able to perform as good as of better of.

this is it la...

tell me, wats the point? i went to tutorials today, and to find out that my tutor expects us to memorize definations of term, when its a management sub. instead of having us to fully und the term, its rather, she wants us to vomit out word by word, sebiji sebulat. apa benda ni?? eh...if thats the case, wats the point of goin to lecture?? to go there, is to make sure we und the whole concept, and will be able to apply it in our future! is tat not it?? but, wat she wants is us to vomit wat we have memorized. not wat we have learnt! this is so mad!!!!! i really cant accept this fact and i find it stupidly rediculas!!!!! to me, it seems that the education system nowadays are replying more on wat is in the text, rather then having us to und, apply and use them to help our company and the country. its more like, asalkan betul, memang dia akan tahu macam mana buat nanti. wat??

this is so stupid!!!! the education system needs some revising, and i find it very important to be able to say out the meaning of a particular term using our own words, cos it will determined if we really und that term or not. unless this country is meant for dudes, cos, all they can do is memorise, but, not apply.

is tat not we always have to do for out eng papers?? explain in ur own words... then wat else?? wats the point of doin it for eng, but, not being able to apply it for other subjects? is it done to kill ppl who cant do well in eng?? then...mayb everything should be sebulat bulat like in the dictionary. tat would be better.

but, i doubt my tutors and lecturer being able to give me the full defination of a term, 100% right. if they demand such, then they should be able to perform as good as of better of.

i am so so so tired....haiz..need some real slp...without having to get up and make my way to the uni when i am still half asleep...zzz...save me from this bull crap!!!!!!! haiz.....love world peace....

zzz

ah...the feeling is growing day by day.
i dono...god. its not a very good thing right?
to go really into ur bf and stuf when u are not really sure about it?

no matter how sure we are, there is always a possibility. anything
can happen. we might or might not like it.
that's for sure.
same goes to me. its just tat...
i am really missing my baby.
we are in this long distance relationship and
i really cant wait to see him again. we just met each other early this month...
and
he will only be here again to see me next month. middle of next month.
oh god....the missing is a torture....

it has only been bout 3 months??
i never thought of putting serious thoughts into this relationship.
mayb its because i don really have faith in it. i am scared.
mayb the past still haunts.
and, i am feling it.
i know that its the past, but ppl learn fr it right?
tat's wat i am doin...

we are from different family background
and race
he is punjabi, and i am a chinese
i dono wat my parents will say
but, i think i am really into him.
i dono how i can be so vulnarable to let my feelings grow too much.
as for him, he used to b a playboy
he has the height, the looks maybe, and
he is a state tenis player
but an injured one, to be precise.
haahaa...org cacat.

but, i dono how he became tat serious and
i was just trapped in his game.
mayb its just me being weak
but, i like that weak feeling to take over me.
he cares for me, although a little too much
which makes me a lettle hard to breath
and his parents are so strict
which makes me scared.
i wonder if there would be a day when his parents will stop us fr being together.
cos, thats really goin to hurt me a lot!

i find this relationship growing
and he is partly responsible for this. of cos...
he is my bf!!!! duh....
but, i hope this will go far,
i am tired of changin my partners.
cos, i love him!

people

there is a kind of human personality in thie world, which till today, i don quite understand. they tend to think that other poeple want them, are so very into them. they think that the world goes round all around them only and it does not include anyone else but they themselves. this is a really selfish kinda thinkgin, and this attitude makes ppl go really irritated at times. its not that they don have any common sense, but, rather they think too much for themselves. mayb they should just remember that this mother earth in over populated?? duh...!!!

that day, my fren just played a very immature prank which made all of us really dumb fucked! i cant imagine that this kinda things are actually happening to a 20yr old. making ppl feel her importance...crave for her presence and more over, her existence. everyone is god's creation, and whether or not u are noticed among ur frens, u are. when u make frens with them, u have already gotten their attention. y bother to please them and go their way then u have ur own principles and personal thinking?

i really do admire those ppl who are down to earth, speak what they want to say and really mean it. they can change their previous views and comments, but, one thing, remember that when u make ur 1st remark, nvr be tooooo sure of what u say. i mean, always make sure u leave some road to bac of to at the end of the day. u can say lots of things u want to, ur own feelings and perceptions on certain matters, but nvr go over board when commenting. this is so that, next timw when u change ur mind, ppl still can accept that u HAVE changed ur mind. imagine someone who always gives really terrible thought over some things and is all out to disapprove on certain matters, always making their innitial views bull crap. thats really stupid. try to be more polite in the manner u present so that ppl don get offended.

i have a fren who always gives very strong 1st oppinions on certain things. like eg, i got this tube, sea blue color. i was really happy cos not only i liked that color, i loved that design. the 1st thing she said bout my tube was...its a nice design..but the color sucks! ok...fine...i accept, cos u might not like this color, but the next thing? she got herself a sea blue slipper and claimed it to be nice in color...thats y she got it.

now, that's really over my limits. y does she have to give some hard strong comments without using her brain to think b4 hand? i mean, its a color, and colors are beautiful! come to think of it, its best to think twice b4 u speak.

there was once a saying, a wise man changes hs mind, a fool nvr. but, hello sister! u are not making urself any wiser by changin ur mind cos u said it sucks!! and now u are telling me u like this color? like duh??!!! u're making me dislike u.

i have another fren, who likes to make others know how much well known she is, and that she is very very popular, not among guys, but as frens...ppl WANT her!!! ok...at the begining mayb it really looked like it is..but after some times, u have to make greater effort to really make ppl feel that way u know? i mean, its not that i am jealous or what so ever. i wont have time for so many ppl too by the way. i have limited time and i cherish those who left their footprints in my heart. but, i nvr give others a false impression. which obviously makes u sound like a bitch. haiz...no..u are a nice fren, but mayb u should stop talking so big. it makes ppl wonder are u really that wonderful. its not easy, but, just be sincere. it will bring u a long way.

human relationships are one of a kind. its really not easy, to just forget what others have done to put u down, or make u worried and even destroy ur entire life. but, i should say, mentally strong i am, i have to accept lots of other ppl's so call jealous looks and thoughts. when one makes achievements too early at times, this is what u get from those who think they have better abilities. their disgusted looks on their faces. its a challenge to me, and i wanna see who laughs last coz to me, these are all bull crap easy peanuts for me to handle. i am from a girl sch, and i was trained to be a bitch. although i cant be one coz its really disgusting, i use that kinda medicine on my bitches.

finally!!!!!

yeah...long since my finals....i have lots contact with my love--my blog!!! gosh...its been like ages! goodness me! i miss it so mcuh!!! 1st was the telephone port probs, then came the internet service probs...arr...all's over!!! yeah!!! haha.....

its not easy....coping with life these days, and i find myself not being able to control my feelings like the past. mayb its because too many things came at a time, and making things really bad was the amount of stress that a society can bring. although just for a short while, things make the situation worst and its really bad. people think that a chairperson is always telling ppl to do things and just talking. NATO?? no! do they actually know how much things they have to plan and overcome b4 that? no one knows at all. they will never. its not till they are in this position when they actually realise that organizing something is not just talking.

this happens with me and my secre. i personally think that, its caused by a million unbalanced feelings inside her, that eventually turns out to be unsatisfied with me, as the chair of a society, when all the credit goes to me. now thats a very very naive thinking, and sometimes, very very stupid too. nobody can stand alone, and achive anything alone. no one is that great. no one can be successful without the help of others. human cannot stand alone, and therefore how is it possible for them to win alone? we work as a team, and do things together. nothing can be done alone. even mistakes are bared together.

this is how i personally feel.

however, when that inmature person starts taking responsibilities, and wanting to organized an event for the society, that's really a great way to test ur abilities to see if u are really capable of doin so. u can see and experience it urself, whether U are really a good leader. as u said, NATOs are a bunch of shits.
but, on the other hand, when that particular event is not getting anywhere, it is time for the chair person of the society to get things right. to figure out a solution and to look into matters, to see if it can really be done. after looking, if the answer is still no, it is of cos for the very best of the society to cancel such an event and think of better ones.
my sec is unable to accept that fact, that the event under her cannot be achieved at the goal is not met all the time. mayb she has her own reasons, personal and of cos reasons for the society if that's the best. i dont think personal reasons are y anyone should insist in carrying on this event. if its the ego, that's the worst thing on earth that can happen. if u feel that u cannot let go of that, i think that's attitude prob. (looks like its not easy planning huh?!?!?)

definately, if challenged, i wont wanna give up. seeking for advise on how to continue the event, thats another way to improve. never the big headed. if u cant accept new ideas, new ppl, and new things, u are never a good leader. what are the 3 things that a leader must have? do u all know??

1) able to accept new ideas!
2) able to acceot new ppl!
3) able to spend time for urself!

these are the 3 main things a leader must have. its really important. when i went for a course, this is what i have learnt, and really think that its really true. because, if we cant accept new ideas, we will never improve. cant accept new ppl, we cant comunicate. cant make time for ourselves, we will never be able to think of what would be the best, thinking of our actions, self managing.

i as a chair, i have always been telling my comitteess to give me opinions, ideas and their own suggestions. this is my way of conducting a meeting. i want responses...questions...and some times if possible answers! a 2 way comunication. every chair has their way of doin things, and i will nvr know if mine is the way it should be done. that's y, responses are so valueble to me. there is always room for mistakes, no one is perfect, and i am learning too. thats somethings every human should be able to und, that they are goin through this process. no one is perfect.

a wise man changes his mind, but a fool nevers. this is so true. and i cant always garuantee that my decisions made b4 were always the last and final. i can always change my mind, if i find a better, more effective manner on doin things!

there is so much goin through my mind. and i really dono where to start, where to end...zzz...this is like a pile of shit. i cant satisfy everyone, that's for certain, but, i am sure i can satisfy majority. so...mayb time and some soul searching will do the trick.

DF!

this is me and my roommie, the one in blue.

lots of things happened between us lately. and, i am getting a little irritated by her. mayb she does not have the educated family background, that would tell her wat is right, and wat is wrong.

sometimes, i think its also because i know her too well, that makes me kinda pissed of with her.

i know its not right.

i know its not her fault.

neither it is my responsibilities to swallow all her craps. if she did not realise.

ppl get scared of her, and, ppl dislike working with her. main reason? like duh! obviously its her attitude. she has serious attitude problem.

and i guess, only i can handle it.

last time, when we were at the old house, things were much better.

mayb it was cos we were in 2 different rooms.

now, omg!!! i am her roommie, she is mine.

i don really like it, and have future plans to move out, to find my own house. i know wat her reaction might be, and how she will take it. and because of this, i am so darn scared to tell her that i wanna move out to STAY ALONE!!!!

she feels tat, although i wanna move out, we are still roomie.

well, she has to accept the fact that,

i CANT STAND HER ANYMORE!

whether she wants to change, its none of my business. and, i wash my hands clean.

i have told her b4, her temper, her limits of wanting everyone to listen to her...its all over!!! over as in really over.

bullying ppl, thats not right. and making use of others, thats worst!

and when her bf comes over, to stay the night, i am so fucking pissed! wait till mine comes, haha...and i shall let u taste a bit of ur own med.

u wanna have fun, go out, and have all the fun u one. but, don bring him into the story. its way out.

we have quarelled over this, and she said she felt that way too, and wondered b4 that would i mind. i told her straight i would, and wat have she done to make things better??

NOTHING!

beautiful. this is wat i call, a malacca roomie, who thinks she knows the world out of herself.

u know, whatever i get, no matter how nice it is, she will say, its ok.

well, if u are jealous, and u cant afford such luxuries, don pour ur milk all over it k? and, pls, we both have totally different taste when it comes to clubbing, and since when u wanted to dress like me and arveen?? u always said, hip hop is the best! well, stick to wat u always had in mind, don swing around like an idiot...

i believe, ppl should have their own stand, and stick to it. unless, well, its a really bad one, then change. but, u have always tot ur own taste was the best...din't u? so, y make the change??

mayb u shoudl do some soul searching. tats the best. and just cos u have a bf di, does not mean tat u are pretty k?? ugly ppl have their other partners too! so, pls don think tat u are pretty.

mornin!!

ah...its a sunday mornin, and i am all started to study. wed is my audit paper. 50% passing rate...imagine.

sometimes, i kinda wonder, how on earth is it possible for the uni to predict the percentage of failure and passing? its kinda like having the 6th sense if they are realy that smart. or...u should say, they did that on purpose so tat more student would take sup papers. RM100 each. wow...imagine the amount of money earned.

failing has nvr been in my mind, untill i reached this level of education. mayb its the pressure that is comin on all of us.

for me, the only reasons that students fail, is lack of practice. thats the only reason. for me, i don't think tat the lack of ability to remember is anywhere near the fact of failing too!

i have to admit, i don really have a great superb memory, but, all comes down to: how u put ur words.

if the examinar likes wat u write, u will get all the marks u wanted to. but, if they don: sayonara!!!

haha...lifes like tat. we gotta accept that.

exams fever is bac, haunting me as ever. results are the biggest nightmare
when exams get closer, i get sleepy, and this was taken when i was half asleep, right b4 the last paper...last sem....
pray hard that my effort this sem will give me wat i want. at the same time, may my oil burn until i finish all the papers.
persistence....wonder word, yet, hard to keep up with its pace.

14/09/2006--IDC

this is crazy....i don wanna think about how much i have put into this relationship, but, all i know is that, he is pissing me off...over and over again! its just the beginning, and way hell he knows how to make things up to me at the end of the day. its as if, he cant do wat he wants, even at home, which would be worst of than in uni.
sometimes, i know, its not his fault, but, he can nvr know, how much this is pissing me off...over and over again, i dono if this is because i am having my finals now, and things are getting a little outta control, but, get real! u are a man in ur 20s, and u still cant lead ur own life? wat kinda crap shit is this?? i feel tat, if this continues, and his parents still cant trust him a little more, i am goin mad! insane is the word to catogorised me. right now, i know, i may b making some unrasional moves, so for the time being, i will forgive u. baby, things cannot always be like this, dont u know? don u und?? just by saying tat u are by me is not making me feel any better or making u closer...k? i mean, get real, this long dis relationship, its gonna be hard, and at times, pissing, but, it has wat i call, distance makes the heart grow fonder. u agreed to it too tat day, and we started off like tat to. u said things tat would make me fly high, but, saying is just part of wat guys are capable of doin all the time. when is comes to doin, its way far from their reach!