no no no!!!!!

its not the price i pay, its how much i get outta it. i don care how many times i have been hurt. or how many times i have to get hurt. i miss him, yes i do. but, distance is such a torturing thing. even parents are so so so stressing. relationships go bad if they are in stress...and might even hav to go to the extreme...no one knows, and no one will und, wat the feeling is like, to be trapped between to things..and making all the fucked up decisions...its really not very very nice. i told him, tat i am very emo bout his freedom. and the time he can actually freely go around...zzz...does not make things work right?? i am lost. in total bull crap!! bloody!

its very hurting to find that u cant do this, cant do that...the no trust there is so so so sickening!!!! ur parents don trust u, and they don give u freedom at all...and, its really making me so tired. i dono how long i cant withstand this whole thing. sometimes, in a relationship, lying is a very very hard thing to do. and, its very very sick too!!! makes u feel so all weak inside. and...sad too!!!! tiring is the word. and that is something i really doo wat to do about. in fact, i cant do anything bout it!!!!

my best fren was just asking me how, cos her bf never bothers bout her. its already 2 yrs...and guys some how or rather can just give up that easily. y?? i really don und. y?? he can just let the days go by without calling her, msging her...wat kinda bf is this?? and he claims he loves her?? bull crap la...
are girls really that stupid???
i really wonder. cant we fight for ourselves?? making our lives better?? its like..men are controling it, and making it so so so bad!!! b4 this, i nvr had such missing probs...nor having to find time with him..or any particular person. now, its so heart breaking!!! i kinda wonder...how she manages all this!! she is really strong. a bf is there to give us support, and vice versa...but, she is supporting herself..and all alone..doin that.

i know, life is not all bout this, but, is a major impact in me. tats y...i find it impossible to just let go. just let nature take its time...letting things do wat they are suppose to...its so..not me! ppl say, go a step and take a look around, then take the next. i dono how we're goin to take the next step. tell me...

basically...its life la..just the ups and downs...