lonely

well..ppl go down telling u that, u and ur bf is in great condition and things are just great for the 2. wat do u think bout that? izit really tat way or...other wise?

1st time in my life, i felt lonely. the lonely feeling was such a piss off.. never had i felt this way b4. things were just ok, mayb a little over busy during the pass few days, or weeks, but still...the sudden stop of everything and the end to wat i call..nonsense..still made it worse. never went bac to the same happy mode. 

mayb should give myself i few more days, things might just turn out right. haiz..its just a tiring way of living and trying to make positive impacts in ur thinking. together with all the negative world wide happenings...its kinda sucky to think tat things will be better soon. 

aih...the question is good. WHEN? just like a few months bac, we told our selves, hang on for just a few more months, we just keep on telling ourselves, hang on, just a few more years till we find peace and our LIFE. 

but...when? haiz..tired of this kinda life style. wats the point? where do we go from here? whats next? 

add ons for house drama

i forgot to tell that...it was the 2nd letter already...well, none of us knew bout the 1st actually so... did she hide it from us? did she forgot to pay the bills and took them to buy her clothes that are always from sg wang till I said till yilin said....she cant stand sg wang cheaplak clothes? then she got no money to buy REAL clothes? omg...izit? izit??

omg.....looks like...somebody here...very poor but wanna act rich le....how a? hmmm..serious mental prob. imbalance of up bringing and bf status. kesian...

house drama

3 2 1 action!

all these started with a stupid bill, came bout...5 months back la. our monthly usage for elec will bever be more than 400 k....but..the bill state an amount of 900 plus. OMG!!!

yep!! and we were very angry bout the whole thing, rather...not us la, but our over reacted leader: peiqi. wakakaka....

and so she made a loud announcement that she WILL settle this bill with uncle's help, the owner la. fine..we were happy with that action. we din wanna pay kay!! zzz...siao a?

so...tats it la. we left the matter there. din ask, din question din wanna know. mayb cos we tot she will do what she said after making such big issues on it. so...yeah...(like the reporting of tsunami...bla bla bla!!!!!!)

'in the night.....all the story ever told....' ah....so sad....i am a heartless girls la. haha...writing bout REALITY and FACTS in such a blunt way..

anyways...lets continue.

just last weekend, me, sawi and peiqi went to makan dinner la. out of manners, i decided to call her. well....i was being nice k! on the way bac, lilian....hahaha....she came with this letter in her hands. and was kind of like..in the questioning mode la!! 

lilian: how come this tunggakan for the bill haven settle?

peiqi: o...i called once the other day di, but no one picked up.

lilian: ah? u expect them to pick up once u call? u oni called once?

peiqi: they din pick up wat. u expect me to call everyday a? (which was like...duh?)

lilian: yilin, i think u paste this on the board. our housemates should get to know bout this matter.

(giving me the letter)

peiqi: paste la! not my fault also! i am not scared. they din pick up!!!!!

(many !!! used cos that's her way of talking, rather...communicating...!!!!! hahaa)

on the way back...as usual..silence...--------

the process was rather zzz when i had to take the letter back from her cos she took it from me. o...erm...haha...such a dramatic act of mine la. seriously..acting like siao. pretended to talk to sawi lo. 

so....we got back. as usual...i dare not put it up there. i was thinking...would she take it away? if she did..no one will ever get it back! 

aih..watever...lilian took it from me and up it goes for publication on our houseboard! yeah

and then...IT war started la on facebooks and msn. haa...it was seriously..COOL k...like drama actress like tat la we ppl. making it so not obvious yet...very obvious. oh dear..i dono

just on thursday, she told me (indirectly telling lilian too) that she went to tnb and they said, mayb is was the person who keyed in wrongly. but...still, we gotta PAY! omg...fark?

i was like...ah? y? she said dono. zzz....(konon kesian la...tapi more like bodoh sial)

so now..the bills are not settled, she goes off to damansara konon uncle masuk hospital very urgent? tapi asked, uncle came out from hospital..zzz!! =='

so...i personally wrote on the publication forum tat i want to have a meeting, house meeting la to settle this bill asap. of cos i did not use lots of !!! cos..its not my way of talking to ppl like as if shouting. so...just like tat lo.

and last night....hahahaa....as usual...written on the board:

              ' there will be a house meeting on monday night, 7pm! make sure everyone attend!!!! by                 leader!!!!!!'

imagine the tone in her tummy....!!!!!!!(shouting gila!) hahahahahahaaaa...but...i cant imagine how she felt. when her leader name was there.. wakakakaaaa.....

so...the story continues on monday. till then...we all hate her!!!! (i am shouting now)

fly

i would love very much to fly...fly to a place without worries

to a place, we find...peace and nothing else

without having to use our brains...

and no one to disturb our life..and make things hard

although that's impossible..

lets continue finding it. because, its near

i can feel it...comin nearer and nearer. just round the corner

oh...i nearly forgot to tell, where to go for that

the easiest place my uncle told me...

is to find peace from within. 

and within would be from US. our heart

our heart is a strong thing. it doesn't need any help..

it helps itself. and sooner or later, peace is with us

in us, within us, and around us. 

that's how to find peace.

that place, just just in the mirror when u look inside it. 

i want to go there too, and it takes a lot of hardwork.

i am sure we all can reach that state one day.

and i am sure, we will be very pleased bout it.

so...go on and find it. i will meet all of u guys there soon too!

we should start from today.

crazy love

i just can never forget...how my fren put it:

'love, its nothing but a bunch of feared ppl gathered together to make things a little better..'

wow...i never knew that she tot of love that way. simply saying that ppl are scared. there is fear in the world that we don't know, and ppl are being in groups to avoid the fear and keeping themselves safer from what? 

i don't know myself....

i have another fren, who finds that quarreling is the only way both parties learn from their mistakes, and it take a break up everytime to learn.

well, its their life...they find thats the best way to learn. why not? but...i cant help finding that simply putting love in those words are a little too....over done. its not bout the wordings, its more or less....the meaning and the way she treats love. 

its such a endless debate. some of my postings here are all bout how love is seen, is felt, is made out between 2 parties, and more of less...bout love.

and yet...its still growing. 

its a world of?

i read an email. inside with pics of these. how can it be? what is the world turnin into? some kinda movie acting with real life murder? 

i was shocked. more or less, disgusted. i was feeling the food inside my tummy comin out. the look of those dead. with the happy faces of those who killed...

why?

is there real trill inside those actions? if so, why are they so happy? who was it they killed with pride and joy? who?

there was a pic of a kid. and his eyes were closed. i hope it was a fast and quick one for him. he was only bout 7 years old. 

i don't see ppl wanting to do that, but...they pride of doing it was the biggest question in my head. was the ppl they killed some one they were hating? if yes, why the need to kill?

if only things were that simple, just cutting of their heads to solve millions of problems...i think the world would be so much more in peace, ppl with no sense will just be ruling the world, and wats left in them is nothing.

i don care how much pain there was but, i am sure, they are the ones who misinterpreted the teachings. the good actions to be tot bad. ah...wat a world. all has been felt and shown. unhappy ppl. but...what can be done? nothing....

violence is all that can do it. now i see...why the US kills....and why they kill. 

who knows one day, we will all just end up dead without knowing our faces are on the webpages sent around....and nothing is done. not even a single thing can be done. 

either or

its bout time, its either this or that.

its either i try my best to make the very best out of me, and leave UTAR with my head held high, or i will never even be able to be confident in my whole entire life. 

this is the moment where i gotta try hard. really put in all the effort and work towards the goal. might be impossible, but at least i TRIED. 

thesis, yes, its a very boring thing and we hav been working on it for such a long time. yet, its so far from ending. watever, i don care. lets just finish off from where I started and get going!