emoooooooooooooooooooo

haiz...things get even more emo when i cant see u.......dont u know? haiz

31/07/2009

its hard to let ppl und how one is thinking. but..i was really upset this time. after a day of rushing with my work and processing, i was hit. i promise myself that i will try my very best to stay positive, and not get affected by stupid ppl out there with their dirty mouth. but...i lost..
its kinda crazy when u think u can just stop everyone else from influencing u. at a point of time, u try to remain good relations with every1. but, sadly, nobody can please every1. so cant i. however, i think by not being able to please every1, i hav brought myself into sadness and mayb....lost of job.
just b4 the end of the day, franky ong came dropping by to get his Letter of Offer. it was seriously rush hour for my and ms tan, but of cos, i had to go through more as..LO is still a new area in my line. i still make silly mistakes that usually, ppl don after being familiar. so...i had to really rush and at the same time, do my processing. (life's hard)
well, he then later...chatted with Ms tan, Mr beh and another SME. he practically spoilt my image saying that i am not good, lousy at work...and having attitude prob. in front of them...he made me loose almost everything.
well....as if he knows me well....hey..i don know him at all man!
but...wat can i say? i told myself to stop talking to him. he has done many things tat i dono how should i react. many sarcastic remarks, and hurting words. and everytime, i told myself, who the hell is this SME to comment when he is still a SME himself.. but...how long can i hold? how long can i tell myself this that he is nobody? how long can the feeling surpress inside and forget?
if i am really tat bad, by dont the branch just let me go? i rather accept the fact that i am not good, rather than being said in public bout my weaknesses. no one is perfect. but..looks likie, i always gotta be.

the worst part is being bac at home. nobody can understand that when one is sad and down, situations do not hav to be made worst...my parents think that, i always meet ppl like this sort. surely, its due to my own prob. mayb i hav attitude prob. but...is it really that bad till how my parents think? i am not a sensitive, over negative type of person. in fact, i find myself...through my own understanding of me myself and i...that...i am kinda joyful and noisy. but...looks like..projection of my image...is really gone in my own family's eyes.

wat can i say? mayb i am really tat bad. mayb...its just a challenge. but..wont this franky guy be getting over to much for now? some times, i just want to kill him with my bare arms. to let him know that i am not just a girl who is being stupid working cases for him day in day out. for goodnesss sake, i am a branch achiever. i want to see my branch that i am serving get to the top. to be top 3 in region 1. thats wat i wanna see. working together...to form that team spirit.
is this wrong?

but sometimes, i just find that...its just too far...come bac to reality, and u meet ppl like this. till today, i seriously enjoy working for the bank, and...i wanna achieve more than tat. but..if its really tat bad, my performance and work...the bank should just fire me. i will take it from there. in fact, i would in fact feel much better because...even the management feels so. by then, i hav got nothing to say. accept harsh reality with grace.

我只在乎你

如果没有遇见你
我将会是在哪里
日子过得怎么样
人生是否要珍惜
也许认识某一人
过着平反的日子
不知道会不会
也有爱情甜如蜜

任时光匆匆流去 我只在乎你。。。
心甘情愿感染你的气息
人生几何，能够得到知己
是去生命的力量也不可惜

所以我求求你
别让我离开你。。。
除了你我不能感到一丝丝情意

如果有那么一天
你说即将要离去
我会迷失我自己
走入无边人海里
不要什么诺言
只要天天在一起
我不能只依靠
片片回忆活下去

任时光匆匆流去 我只在乎你。。。
心甘情愿感染你的气息
人生几何，能够得到知己
是去生命的力量也不可惜

所以我求求你
别让我离开你。。。
除了你我不能感到一丝丝情意
除了你我不能感到一丝丝情意


dedicating this song to u.......
hehe....wat a day...~~~

lonely

well..ppl go down telling u that, u and ur bf is in great condition and things are just great for the 2. wat do u think bout that? izit really tat way or...other wise?

1st time in my life, i felt lonely. the lonely feeling was such a piss off.. never had i felt this way b4. things were just ok, mayb a little over busy during the pass few days, or weeks, but still...the sudden stop of everything and the end to wat i call..nonsense..still made it worse. never went bac to the same happy mode. 

mayb should give myself i few more days, things might just turn out right. haiz..its just a tiring way of living and trying to make positive impacts in ur thinking. together with all the negative world wide happenings...its kinda sucky to think tat things will be better soon. 

aih...the question is good. WHEN? just like a few months bac, we told our selves, hang on for just a few more months, we just keep on telling ourselves, hang on, just a few more years till we find peace and our LIFE. 

but...when? haiz..tired of this kinda life style. wats the point? where do we go from here? whats next? 

add ons for house drama

i forgot to tell that...it was the 2nd letter already...well, none of us knew bout the 1st actually so... did she hide it from us? did she forgot to pay the bills and took them to buy her clothes that are always from sg wang till I said till yilin said....she cant stand sg wang cheaplak clothes? then she got no money to buy REAL clothes? omg...izit? izit??

omg.....looks like...somebody here...very poor but wanna act rich le....how a? hmmm..serious mental prob. imbalance of up bringing and bf status. kesian...

house drama

3 2 1 action!

all these started with a stupid bill, came bout...5 months back la. our monthly usage for elec will bever be more than 400 k....but..the bill state an amount of 900 plus. OMG!!!

yep!! and we were very angry bout the whole thing, rather...not us la, but our over reacted leader: peiqi. wakakaka....

and so she made a loud announcement that she WILL settle this bill with uncle's help, the owner la. fine..we were happy with that action. we din wanna pay kay!! zzz...siao a?

so...tats it la. we left the matter there. din ask, din question din wanna know. mayb cos we tot she will do what she said after making such big issues on it. so...yeah...(like the reporting of tsunami...bla bla bla!!!!!!)

'in the night.....all the story ever told....' ah....so sad....i am a heartless girls la. haha...writing bout REALITY and FACTS in such a blunt way..

anyways...lets continue.

just last weekend, me, sawi and peiqi went to makan dinner la. out of manners, i decided to call her. well....i was being nice k! on the way bac, lilian....hahaha....she came with this letter in her hands. and was kind of like..in the questioning mode la!! 

lilian: how come this tunggakan for the bill haven settle?

peiqi: o...i called once the other day di, but no one picked up.

lilian: ah? u expect them to pick up once u call? u oni called once?

peiqi: they din pick up wat. u expect me to call everyday a? (which was like...duh?)

lilian: yilin, i think u paste this on the board. our housemates should get to know bout this matter.

(giving me the letter)

peiqi: paste la! not my fault also! i am not scared. they din pick up!!!!!

(many !!! used cos that's her way of talking, rather...communicating...!!!!! hahaa)

on the way back...as usual..silence...--------

the process was rather zzz when i had to take the letter back from her cos she took it from me. o...erm...haha...such a dramatic act of mine la. seriously..acting like siao. pretended to talk to sawi lo. 

so....we got back. as usual...i dare not put it up there. i was thinking...would she take it away? if she did..no one will ever get it back! 

aih..watever...lilian took it from me and up it goes for publication on our houseboard! yeah

and then...IT war started la on facebooks and msn. haa...it was seriously..COOL k...like drama actress like tat la we ppl. making it so not obvious yet...very obvious. oh dear..i dono

just on thursday, she told me (indirectly telling lilian too) that she went to tnb and they said, mayb is was the person who keyed in wrongly. but...still, we gotta PAY! omg...fark?

i was like...ah? y? she said dono. zzz....(konon kesian la...tapi more like bodoh sial)

so now..the bills are not settled, she goes off to damansara konon uncle masuk hospital very urgent? tapi asked, uncle came out from hospital..zzz!! =='

so...i personally wrote on the publication forum tat i want to have a meeting, house meeting la to settle this bill asap. of cos i did not use lots of !!! cos..its not my way of talking to ppl like as if shouting. so...just like tat lo.

and last night....hahahaa....as usual...written on the board:

              ' there will be a house meeting on monday night, 7pm! make sure everyone attend!!!! by                 leader!!!!!!'

imagine the tone in her tummy....!!!!!!!(shouting gila!) hahahahahahaaaa...but...i cant imagine how she felt. when her leader name was there.. wakakakaaaa.....

so...the story continues on monday. till then...we all hate her!!!! (i am shouting now)

fly

i would love very much to fly...fly to a place without worries

to a place, we find...peace and nothing else

without having to use our brains...

and no one to disturb our life..and make things hard

although that's impossible..

lets continue finding it. because, its near

i can feel it...comin nearer and nearer. just round the corner

oh...i nearly forgot to tell, where to go for that

the easiest place my uncle told me...

is to find peace from within. 

and within would be from US. our heart

our heart is a strong thing. it doesn't need any help..

it helps itself. and sooner or later, peace is with us

in us, within us, and around us. 

that's how to find peace.

that place, just just in the mirror when u look inside it. 

i want to go there too, and it takes a lot of hardwork.

i am sure we all can reach that state one day.

and i am sure, we will be very pleased bout it.

so...go on and find it. i will meet all of u guys there soon too!

we should start from today.